I wasnāt supposed to start todayās newsletter like this. My original introduction was a narrative retelling of Venusā journey over the past few weeks, setting the stage for her entrance into Scorpio. It was well-written. Quite polished. But it wasnāt very real.
In the spirit of Venus in Scorpio, I want to share something real with you.
About a month ago, I landed a gig doing astrology readings at a small company's holiday party. It came to me, as much of my work does these days, through being gay ā my (amazing and very queer) barber told me her fiancĆ© was looking to hire an astrologer for an event, and she asked if Iād be interested. I leapt at the opportunity.
Later, I learned that the company was a sonic branding agency, and Iād be doing readings inside a recording studio at their Manhattan office. I had to laugh. My late father was a renowned studio architect and speaker designer (SonicScoopās words, not mine). He designed world-class recording studios right up until his tragic death in 2020.
Iāve spent time in many recording studios over the course of my life. As a 12th Houser, Iāve always found comfort in these strange, soundproofed rooms. Theyāre true incubators of creativity, walled off from the outside world in every possible way. I thought, maybe my dad is winking at me. I never got to tell him I was pursuing astrology professionally. I often wonder what heād think.
I had the name of this company in my texts for weeks, but I put off researching it until last night. Iām not sure why. Perhaps deep down, in the ancient part of me that just knows things, I knew what Iād find.
Turns out, this wasn't just any recording studio. My dad designed it.
I donāt talk about my dadās death very often. Not even in therapy. Grief is one of those things that, once I pick it up, I struggle to put it back down. Or, to use a more apt metaphor for Venus in Scorpio: I canāt just peer down that well. I fall into it every time.
Writing about Venus in Scorpio, astrologer Alice Sparkly Kat reminded us to respect the dead. āYour relationships with the dead are real relationships,ā they noted. And theyāre right. In my witchy heart of hearts, I know that. But we donāt talk enough about how painful it is to starting imagining the people we love as our ancestors. Nobody prepares you for that mental and emotional transition.
This is it, I think: the part where I get stuck. The wind that blows me over and sends me careening down, down, down.
Iām trying to be better about admitting when I donāt know something, so hereās the truth: I donāt know how to sit with grief. Iām out of my depth here. I try almost every day. If I'm being really real, I canāt tell if I'm getting any better at it.
It's been three years since my dad died. His passing still feels too monumental to comprehend logically, let alone process emotionally. And the more time that elapses, the more I struggle to connect with him. We had an incredibly strong relationship in life; I canāt seem to replicate that in death.
I donāt have any answers, just messy feelings. But I have to believe that all of this ā the gig, the nod from my dad, and its timing with Venus in Scorpio ā means something. Right now, I know many of us are wading through the murky waters of personal and collective grief. Maybe, in being vulnerable with all of you, I can inspire someone else to open up, too.
Venus in Scorpio is subversive, penetrating, and profoundly sensitive. Sheās the goth girl who journals in bubblegum-pink ink; the visual artist whose macabre choices elicit shock, then respect; the investigative journalist whose reporting betters peopleās lives. And this time around, sheās better-positioned than sheās been in recent years. Saturn and Jupiter are on her side, and sheās answering to a fired-up Mars in Sagittarius.
In this fixed water sign, Venus challenges us to dig deep. Forget appearances, forget other peopleās expectations: Who are you at your core? What are your values, and how do you embody them? And if you arenāt embodying them, what changes do you need to make to start doing so?
These arenāt easy questions, but thatās why theyāre worth exploring.
Song Recommendation: āLetter To An Old Poetā by boygenius
āI wanna be happy / I'm ready / To walk into my room without looking for youā